Heart-strings...

So today was interesting. Every once in a while I get a child that just becomes really attached to my heart. Usually it is some really cute little one, or a disabled child with a beautiful smile and bright eyes...but today...actually since Friday there has been this one girl who just doesn't fit the usual mold. She is 13, and honestly I need to find out why she was with us to begin with, as I didn't see anything visibly that would suggest why she was on my floor as long as she was. But anyway, she is a typical teen 13 year old girl. Pretty, cute, awkward in that "i'm 13" kinda way. But she was not really nice to the other kids, always making fun of the kids with disabilities, mocking the way they tried to speak, yelling at the little ones who bothered her. I was constantly getting on her to be more nice to the other kids and she would just laugh and shrug it off. (aww....13 year olds...)

Well, I did find out that she lives in an institution, an orphanage basically. I was surprised cause normally kids from institutions are not as clean or as put together as she was. But I learned she hasn't been there too long, but was placed there because of family problems. Some pretty sad stuff has happened to her...which of course shed some light on some of her behaviors.

I thought she was leaving us on Friday to go back to the institution. So this whole weekend I've been thinking about her and praying for her....just thinking it was strange how much my heart had changed from really not feeling anything super special towards her to really just having a heart for her....then this morning I was very happy to see her again. She only speaks Romanian, and my Romanian is still pretty limited but we talked a little today. More than just superficial stuff. I saw her give Cami a really long hug...like she just needed it...then later that morning I got a long one too! I was surprised. But it was obvious she was just craving love...

I gave her a small gift this afternoon when she left. She asked, "for me?" when she saw it, and I said yes, she got all emotional about it like she could cry if I didn't change the subject quick....I gave her the standard double kiss on the cheeks, another hug and thanked her for all the help she was with painting decorations last week. I told her to 'be good', (ugh i wish I knew how to speak more romanian!) and she thanked me too a bunch of times. It was a nice moment.

I'm not saying any of this for any reason really. Especially not to give any props to myself. Perhaps this is just my way of processing right now. I guess a good lesson I learned from it is if one of the kids is acting out...maybe I should know more before I get so frustrated. But I guess I also learned how the Lord can so easily change our hearts. I actually miss my little friend, knowing she won't be there tomorrow morning. And I feel sad that she had to return to an institution, even though I hear it is a good one.

It's interesting how, at times like this, we want to give gifts...I gave her a little gift to remember me...and in my mind I wonder if I could see her again what I would want to "give" her. Then tonight I realized, that all the gift giving in the world, would only be "things"...it would not fill the hole in her heart right now, or heal the hurt she has experienced...she needs Jesus. Like each of these kids do...she doesn't need jewelry or clothes or a program or whatever...she needs Jesus. So I guess for now, even with not seeing her, I can still pray for her...and give her that...she may never know that I'm praying for her, but I will. And I pray that the Lord will meet her where she is, that He will heal her broken heart and become Savior of her life...

I think this one will be in my heart for a while...

xo


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